Entertainment » Culture

PopUps :: The Wedding No One Wants to Admit They Care About

by Jason St. Amand
National News Editor
Saturday May 24, 2014

How does gossip function in a post-elevator video world? By shifting focus to one of the most joyous and exciting events of 2014: the event that will make Kanye West and Kim Kardashian whole.

This Memorial Day weekend, Kim and Kanye will tie the knot in Florence. It's going to the wedding of the year, the wedding of the decade, the wedding of the century...the wedding of life.

We won't get to see much of the wedding -- only the events leading up to the ceremony and the moments after the ceremony will be aired on E!'s "Keeping Up With the Kardashians." Though the Kardashians have lived a very public life, they've decided to turn the cameras away so they can celebrate ~true love~ in one of the most romantic cities in the world. But that's the key word: romantic.

Despite his insane hard shell, Kanye is a romantic at heart, and you don't need a full functioning brain to know Kim is too. When Kanye popped the question, he had an orchestra play a version of Lana Del Rey's "Young & Beautiful." Rumor has it Kanye wanted the sleepy singer to perform at the engagement ceremony but she refused. She also allegedly refused to perform at KimYe's wedding...that is until she was offered a shit ton of money that proves literally everything has a price.

According to the Mirror, the singer, 27, initially turned down the rapper's offer but couldn't say no to a reported six-figure sum. More like "Rich & Beautiful," right Lana?

Lana is supposedly being flown out from Los Angeles to the wedding this weekend, but I wonder if it's going to be a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kind of thing or if she's going to stick around and mingle. Who would Lana mingle with at the wedding anyway? Maybe Beyonce, who initially refused to go (she is not the biggest Kim fan) but will attend after Jay Z was upgraded from guest to best man.

A source told the Daily Mail, "Beyonce had to think about it at the last minute, she didn’t really want to go, but I think Jay Z’s the best man, so he’s kind of making her go..."

Whether Bey goes or not, Lana can still rub elbows with other stars, including John Legend and his model wife Chrissy Teigen, and Kim’s BFFs, Brittny Gastineau, Jonathan Cheban, LaLa Anthony and Larsa Pippen. Also expected is Rachel Roy, who some say sparked the Solange vs. Jay Z elevator fight.

Most of the Kardashian Klan will be there, like XXXL brother, Rob, who made a shocking reveal this week that his new spirit animal is "The Simpsons" character, Comic Book Guy. When photos of Big Rob emerged earlier this week, he instantly started to #trend on Twitter. The 27-year-old sock-preneur laughed it off, however, writing: "So I found out I was trending for being fat...Thank you all, it really made my day :)"

What about the other Kardashians, the Jenners? Well, Bruce, who is rumored to be dating Cher, was spotted visiting the Louvre with Kris. But Bruce’s son Brody will not be in attendance. Maybe it’s because he brought then girlfriend Avril Lavigne to Kim’s last wedding.

He shouldn’t be ashamed of dating the singer who made one of the most racist music videos of 2014, at least not in the presences of Kim, who famously dated and had sex with R&B singer Ray J. Ray J is such a stand up guy he’s apparently going to give KimYe a fantastic wedding gif)...cold hard cash.

Not just any cash, but dirty, stinky, sex tape cash. TMZ reports the $47,000 is the 2014 profits earned from Ray J and Kim’s infamous 2007 sex tape sold by Vivid Entertainment. Here is the monthly breakdown of how much the tape brought in for the singer:

January: $6,135.60 (eh...)
February: $20,097.31 (there we go!)
March: $9,674.76 (not bad)
April: $10,931.52 (pretty good)
Total: $46,840.13 (boom! Have a good wedding y’all!)

At least it will help cover Lana’s fee.

OK as much as I love KimYe, let’s move on to the weirdest celebrity feud there’s been in awhile: Rihanna vs. Charlie Sheen.

According to TMZ, Charlie Sheen and his fiancĂ© Brett Rossi, a huge RiRi fan, bumped into the pop star at a restaurant Wednesday night in Santa Monica. The couple, who were celebrating Rossi’s b-day, wanted to schedule a quick get together so Rossi could meet her idol. But Rude Ass Ri wasn’t feeling it because there was too many paparazzi around. But the rejection has put her way up on Crazy Ass Sheen’s shit list.

"Nice impression you left behind, Bday or not. Sorry we’re not KOOL enough to warrant a blessing from the Princess (or in this case the Village idiot)," Sheen tweeted. He then went after the singer’s new sharp pink hairstyle, saying, "Halloween isn’t for a while. but good on you for testing out your costume in public. it’s close; a more muted pink might be the answer, as in: none."

Sheen’s rant is pretty long, but you can check out the entire thing over at TMZ. It’s pretty funny and telling -- apparently he’s a big Ri fan himself, as he notes that her 2011 album "Talk That Talk" "was just a big ol lie from a big ol liar."

Charlie, you’re a really crazy wild guy. I know this, and the rest of America knows this. And you’re probably one of the only celebs to go into a Twitter fight with Rihanna, but just because you have the balls to do that, doesn’t mean you’re going to win. Rihnna has experience -- she’s seasoned and has taken down Ciara and others with her nimble tell offs in under 140-characters.

And once again, she demonstrates why you don’t mess with her:

"If that old queen don’t get ha diapers out of a bunch...," she subtweeted. That may explain Sheen’s extensive knowledge of Ri’s discography.

Bonus: Rapper Future and fiancĂ© Ciara, who has been pregnant for what seems like 3-years, finally gave birth this week to her baby boy and posted a pic of his arm on Instagram. But what’s better than getting a glimpse of a newborn celeb baby’s limb? The name. Ciara and Future decided to give their kid the name of tomorrow...Future. Amazing.


  • GAG'EM, 2014-05-27 22:24:54

    What planet do you come from? I don’t understand why anyone cares about anyone’s wedding except their own (and maybe their children’s).

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