Can I Get Laid Without an iPhone? Ask Bambi Sue ... Because She Knows
Dear Bambi Sue
I am the kind of guy who always likes to be on top of what is new and happening in the scene in Manhattan. I never miss the opening of a new club, show or exhibit or gallery, and every night I’m at a hot party where all the fabulous people and pretty boys are. My friend recently told me, "Girl, we are so fabulous that to us the A-List is the B-List."
The one place I am not fashion forward is technology. I have not gotten into the iPhone craze for some reason. Bambi, is it possible that after wearing the best clothes to the best parties and hanging with the choicest boys that I have missed the boat communications wise?
There is this app called Grindr and it is the hottest hook up craze going. The other night I was at dinner and my peeps were comparing notes on Grindr and showing each other the cute boys they chat with and have hooked up with. I suspect some of the headless torsos are not real -- that they are put up there to keep people interested, because they all seem to be 27, in great shape and looking for fun, even at clubs. This is simply too good to believe.
So Bambi, have I missed the opening of the hippest new hook-up spot by having a clunky old Palm phone and not a Grindr-friendly phone? Is it possible the hottest place to be in town to hook up with a cute guy could have been in the palm of my hand all along?
Dear Phoney Balogney
Baby, if the iPhone is the new nightspot, Grindr Is the Kenny Kenny at the gate. It wouldn’t surprise me if at the onset, the developers may have had a few extra cuties loaded on to the site to spice it up.
As my dear departed friend and club empersarrio Miss Berkley used to say, "You have to fill the space with good furniture if you want the party to be a hit". So he used to make sure to fill his parties with plenty of pretties and friendlies to get the ball rolling so people knew they were in a happening space.
His theory works for cocktail parties, too. Rentboy isn’t just for getting your rocks off: It can be an excellent way to ensure your cocktail parties get rave reviews. Sure it’s expensive so is the cost of throwing a bomb party.
Girl, how have you managed to hold your head up in Clubland without an appropriate communications device?
Even at the hottest club, phone hook ups are going down. Think of it as improving your efficiency curve. If you cruise the phone often enough you will see the same boys show up at the gym and clubs -- but now you have already know their deal, seen their booty shot and know if they have a sassy come on line. Avoid the ones who start out with the list of everything they don’t like, negative energy is a bad opening line.
Doll, run, don’t walk to the nearest Apple, AT&T or Verizon store and get yourself hooked up. Next, make sure you have good head, body and booty shots so that when they ask for the goods your phone is loaded and ready to go.
Please don’t try to tell anyone on Grindr, Jack’d or Scruff you are there to meet a boyfriend because no one is buying that tired story. Phone apps are perfect for hook-ups because you find the boys who are in the ready, randy, near and now.
Girl, get on the runway. Baby, phone apps are the new black!
Call me in the morning.