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HomoTech :: Everyone Loves a Racist Boy - Online

by Oscar Raymundo
EDGE Media Network Contributor
Monday Aug 30, 2010
’No Asians, please?’ What about ’No Caucasians, Latinos, or Blacks?’
’No Asians, please?’ What about ’No Caucasians, Latinos, or Blacks?’   

It shouldn't come as a surprise that we live in a racist world. Recently, however, much has been made about the tolerated "No Asians, please" attitude when it comes to gay online dating/cruising. But what I found troubling is that indignant white guys are at the forefront of this race-sensitive issue, standing up for the targeted minorities. Not a very convincing way to frame an argument, if you ask me.

Can prejudice be justified by personal preference, or is this just a matter of politically incorrect taste?

To find out, I went straight to the source - horny, possibly racist guys of all ethnic backgrounds - to tease them into showing their true colors. I spent a week on Grindr, trying my hardest to come off completely racist. Whenever I received a message, I'd introduce myself with a "looking for friends or looking to fuck?"

I had very important research to conduct here, folks, and I couldn't afford to waste time. If the person on the other side answered with an interest in fuck-buddying, I would immediately respond that I wasn't into the particular ethnic category they had listed. Here's how the spectrum of guys took race-specific rejection right in the face.

The White Guy

The White Guy

"J" understood where I was coming from: he happens to go for Asian guys almost exclusively. He was caught off guard, though, when I became more particular about my racial preference and told him I was into "anything but white." He found my stance interesting and unusual, since "most people keep ’white’ in their catalogue of possibilities."

Interesting, indeed. J still holds on to the erroneous concept that we operate around a white standard - which is perhaps why ethnic fetish flourishes. "I guess it is something I take for granted," he said thinking no one would ever reject a white guy. Until now.

The Asian Guy

The Asian Guy

Being perhaps the most targeted in the gay online community in terms of both rejection and fetish, Asian guys must be sick of it all.

If they are, they play more like they’re over it all. It didn’t bother "Sean" that I was not into Asian guys. "It’s just an opinion," he justified.

"Racism is an opinion," I reminded him. He later asked why I felt the way I did, why "no Asians, please," and at the point it was easier to just log off. How do you answer that without coming off like a total bigot?

The Middle Eastern Guy

The Middle Eastern Guy

Early on, I realized how terrible I was at racial profiling. I wrongly assumed "Alex" was white, then had to swallow my original prejudice and tell him I wasn’t into Middle Eastern guys, either.

We kept talking for a while despite how picky and flimsy I sounded. Turns out, he was interested in me because of my ethnicity. "I usually have great chemistry with [Latino] guys," he told me. But trust me, papi, that’s as problematic an assertion as writing someone off completely because of race.

[Read how The Black Guy, The Latino Guy, The Racist Guy and The Blind Guy reacted on the next page!]

The Black Guy

The Black Guy

"L" had no problem with my self-made rule against hooking up with black guys. "I have preferences too," he admitted. His were mostly physical; he doesn’t really go for short guys.

He agreed when I pointed out, in my defense, that race is a physical attribute as well, but he would never rule anyone out entirely just because of a specific preference - racial or otherwise. Well, "as long as I find a guy attractive."

The Latino Guy

The Latino Guy

My shortest conversation was with "Sebastian." Even though he was "kinda hammered," he had the logical capacity to cut his losses and stop wasting time with me.

When I sent him my customary, "hope you’re not offended" consolation message, he responded that he didn’t care enough. I was thrilled! Maybe that’s the best strategy: turn around and leave the bigots trapped in their own narrow mindset. Sebastian sure made me proud to be Latino.

The Racist Guy

The Racist Guy

Most of the guys I spoke with during my pseudo-prejudice phase didn’t strike me as consciously acting in a viciously racist way; they just wanted to get laid.

That is, until I grinded into "Chris." Not only did he buy into the stereotype that Asian guys had small penises, but he also assumed that I, being Latino, must be a bottom - all in one message!

Never had I felt so offended, and what is more infuriating is that Chris thought he was being cute and funny. Trust me, you were neither. Thank god for whoever gave us gays the ability to "block."

The Blind Guy

The Blind Guy

After disclosing my "preferences," most guys were surprisingly cool with them. Some white guys even wished me good luck on my search for a more exotic cookie. "Whatever rocks your boat," was their passive mentality - just letting it happen, even though I kept hoping otherwise.

Of course, I know it’s futile to argue with someone’s narrow-minded opinion, but I still was waiting for a guy to call me out on being an asshole. What I was doing was totally unacceptable! I cringed every time I sent out that "not into (insert ethnicity here)" message.

Deep down, it just felt wrong rejecting someone based solely on race. It might have been my personal "taste," but it was not tasteful. Where’s that snarky gay bitch-out when you need it the most? I guess I’ll have to try harder next time.

Oscar Raymundo is a freelance writer based in San Francisco. He has written for SF Weekly, the SF Bay Guardian, Wired, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fast Company, CosmoGIRL! and the official Facebook blog. He is currently at work on his first novel.

He blogs here.


This story is part of our special report titled "HomoTech." Want to read more? Here's the full list.


  • Prince of Pearl, 2010-08-31 17:25:32

    See, this is exactly why to be fair, I’m an equal opportunity racist! I also don’t like younger men. Or older men. Or fatties, skinnies, femme, straight-acting, FTM, MTF, hairy guys, smooth guys, religious guys, athiests, cut or uncut cock. Why am I still single!?

  • , 2010-08-31 17:30:47

    What a great concept, if indeed it only adds to the fuel that hardly anybody is who they say they are online. That said, prejudice is ubiquitous and the gay community is not immune. The thing about prejudice and racism is that while it is fun to point out, what gets lost in is the larger conversation: why? An exploration of where prejudices derive is the only way to actually ascertain some vital information on how to explain it. On the other hand, quite often people use race or ethnicity to blame when someone finds them unattractive. Whatever it is, it’s an interesting post. Thanks

  • , 2010-08-31 23:55:15

    I think a lot of people exhibit a lot of racism in HOW they express their preferences for who they are attracted to, in their tone. "ABSOLUTELY NO ASIANS!" "SORRY NOT INTO BLACK GUYS". They say it like they’re offended that Asian or Black guys even consider approaching them to waste a second of their time. Everyone has their preferences for how attractive someone based on how they look, which race has something to do with, which is fine, but to say absolutely no to a whole group of people is a bit racist in that you don’t give individuals a chance. I am into Asians, yes, but more specifically, I am into certain Asian guys. After spending a lot of time in Asia you just see that there’s such a wide range of guys and types of guys and if I had a "NO ASIANS" attitude I wouldn’t discover that I could actually be very attracted to many of them if given a chance. Exposure to people and seeing a group of people as actual people, as individuals, and not just this category really opens your mind! Try it, you may be surprised at what you’re attracted to.

  • , 2010-09-01 15:21:40

    While I think this article has some merit, I also think that a person’s race obviously affects their physical characteristics. We don’t condemn people for only liking blonds, or hairy bears, or muscular gym bodies, so why is it racist to say you don’t like white guys, or asian features, or are only into black men? We’re not talking about people we would value as friends, we’re talking about people we would want to have sex with. And when sex is all you are after, the right physical type to float your boat is essential.

  • , 2010-09-01 15:36:58

    In Hawai’i whether you’re gay or straight if you ask someone what kind of guys/girls they are into the first thing they almost always lead with is race. "I’m not into white guys." is not an uncommon response. There are plenty of people out here that only date inside their own race as well as many that only date outside their own race. It isn’t racism, it’s just personal preference.

  • , 2010-09-01 16:07:02

    It’s not racism, it’s preference. It would only be racism if you felt sitting on my dick was some kind of protected right. And then, by denying you that right, I was applying a racist standard. But no, that isn’t the case, I’m just not turned on by Asians and my Grindr time is all about getting _me_ off.

  • , 2010-09-01 16:23:40

    This article is so annoying. HOW is it racism? I’m not a sexist because I prefer men over women. You can’t control what drives your sexual appetite. Quit crying racism because someone isn’t interested in you. I’m Asian and I am not particularly attracted to other Asian guys. I guess I’m racist towards Asians or have issues with my own ethnicity. Yeah right. Get over yourself, Oscar the Grouch.

  • , 2010-09-01 16:55:49

    The problem isn’t that its racist to say you are not into Asian’s or Blacks or Hispanics or Caucasians, the problem is HOW you say it. We all have preferences when it comes to what attracts us whether it be skinny or chubby guys, hairy or smooth, effeminate or masculine natured and it’s OK to have them. Normally, I would say that it’s wrong for people to shout out things like that because they are truly being assholes. But, I’ve found its an IMMEDIATE way to sort out the jerks from the people I’d care to surround myself with and thats an invaluable asset when circumnavigating the dating scene.

  • , 2010-09-01 17:39:56

    I am Asian and I do not think it’s racist to have a racial preference. I also could put "ABSOLUTELY NO WOMAN" in my Grindr profile. Does that make me sexist? I have a type of guy that I’m attracted to and it has to do entirely with how they look. I think if you’re going to call someone who puts "ABSOLUTELY NO ASIANS" in their profile it would be narrow minded. I myself am generally not attracted to Asians, but from time to time I have do find one I’m attracted to so I think it’s narrow minded to close yourself off to an entire group of people. I am disappointed at how often Asians jump in with the racist card.

  • , 2010-09-01 18:13:25

    What’s most upsetting about this article is that it is the author who is making race the issue with all these guys and then pointing out the "racist" remarks they give back to him. Yet what is probably more likely, is that their responses are dictated by the fact they were just excluded and rejected. No one likes that feeling for whatever reason. And guys do that based on a number of things like height and weight and amount of body hair. If someone put in their profile NO SHORT GUYS and NO LATINOS why is one more inherently evil than the other. Or evil at all really? Also, having seen the author’s picture, I think he was called a bottom because he looks femme not because he was latino (another terrible stereotype, but common and not racist). In closing, this project was just poorly conceived. He had the outcome already in his head before he began. That never leads to unbiased research.

  • , 2010-09-01 18:25:01

    Oscar u sound cute. Suggested topic for a blog - mindset rather than race. Statistically relationships of like minded people last longer. When I worked in Asia I dated some Asian guys because my behavior changed to suit the surroundings, social values, social patterns. However it wasn’t my default. Once I moved back to Sydney, Asian born guys became quite different again in values, behaviors, expectations. That said local guys, whatever their skin color get the local jokes, local scene, get local values on things like hooking up and commitment. Grindr just takes out the nuance of meeting and forces some pretty quick choices on physical chemistry.

  • , 2010-09-01 23:18:42

    shouldn’t gay people know more than anyone that we don’t choose who we are attracted to? if we could, i imagine many of us would choose the easier route by becoming straight.

  • , 2010-09-02 01:28:46

    Hate to say it but (usually white) guys have to single Asians out because they’re so damn persistent and often won’t take no for an answer. And I have to agree with the other commentors here -- just because I don’t want to have sex with an Asian doesn’t make me racist. It’s not often you see two Asian dudes together. Why are the Asians who are only into white guys never taken to task for their preferences? Finally, isn’t there just something kind of creepy about a white dude who only wants to date or hook up with, e.g., an Asian guy?

  • , 2010-09-02 02:02:35

    If I am not attracted to guys over 35 am I an Ageist? if I am not attracted to women, am I sexist? If I am not attracted to guys under 6 ft am I a sizest? If I am not attracted to black guys am I a racist? Answer is no they are just my preferences. I am, however, an Ugliest and I suspect that the people this author describes are as well. Perhaps this is why they reject him.

  • Oscar Raymundo, 2010-09-02 17:50:57

    23:55:15 & 16:55:49 - You’re exactly right. Guys, it’s not the fact that you have a preference that makes you racist, it’s that you express that preference as an strict ultimatum, as if every individual of whatever race you find personally unappealing were the same, physically or otherwise. 17:39:56 - Right, "it’s narrow minded to close yourself off to an entire group of people" and when that group of people happen to be the same race, it’s - you guessed it - racist! 18:13:25 - "If someone put in their profile NO SHORT GUYS and NO LATINOS why is one more inherently evil than the other. Or evil at all really?" Because all short guys are short. Not all Latinos are alike. You’re assuming all Latinos look/act the same. Racist! Also, there’s no such thing as "unbiased research" in a personal/opinion column. 23:18:42 - "shouldn’t gay people know more than anyone that we don’t choose who we are attracted to?" Then why are we choosing to NOT be attracted to certain races? This narrow-minded, pre-disposed ultimatum. 01:28:46 - "isn’t there just something kind of creepy about a white dude who only wants to date or hook up with, e.g., an Asian guy?" It’s the other side of the issue - fetishism, which is just as problematic. 02:02:35 - "If I am not attracted to guys over 35 am I an Ageist?" Yes. "if I am not attracted to women, am I sexist?" Sex is biological. Race is not. There’s nothing hormonally determining you not to be into a particular race other than prejudice and societal bias. Prince of Pearl - you’re single because you can’t hit those Mariah notes. Sorry, boo.

  • , 2010-09-05 04:01:59

    When it comes to sexual attraction race has never been an issue to me. I have dated men and only later found out they were ,this, that a mix of many things etc. The problem with small profiles online is that we have to box ourselves in. If I told you I was not interested in women you wouldn’t find that unusual from a gay man. When asked about penis size preference I respond with--do you have one? OK, I admit I have a gag reflex so huge is sexy but more "difficult to swallow". Racist people treat others differently in everyday life. However, if they don’t get hard over guys of a certain race do you plan on "retraining" them to fit your standard? I do not permit my friends to make racist comments but if they seek out a single race as a sexual partner ,I only ask them why and how they feel about other races. You can not dictate correct behavior-Perhaps not attracted to ..... may be a more politically correct way to say their interests.

  • , 2010-09-24 14:57:38

    But the point is, how do you know you won’t be attracted to someone without knowing anything about them except that they are "latin" or "asian" or whatever? What if they don’t even look "latin", "asian", etc? I’m latin and I look white -- no one can tell I’m latin unless I tell them. But if my profile said latin and you didn’t like latinos, you would write me off. It’s dumb.

  • , 2011-10-02 15:12:43

    i’ve seen that before. it’s been like that since i was in my 20’s (today i’m 37). all i know is that white guys are into MOSTLY white, black and latino guys even with whiter skinned in the gay community. yeah, i was rejected by white, black and latino guys even with whiter skinned. that way it is in society. it’s what i called "xenophobia". asians are just DIFFERENT to them like they think it’s gross or strange looks. they always put "not into asians" which white, black and latino guys even with whiter skinned thinks that it’s OKAY!....but not!. it shows who they are....ASSHOLES!.

  • , 2011-10-02 15:30:45

    white guys have no problems dating latino guys with whiter skinned, i witnessed it. of course white guys love spanish foods for all i know.

  • , 2011-10-02 15:42:12

    Interesting. Having lived and travel OS a lot, a LOT, it cuts both ways. I’ve seen Asian guys in Asia who won’t touch white guys and vice versa, AND those who exclusively date the other flavour and won’t touch their own kind. Personally I don’t date quiet guys, or guys with no confidence or clingy guys. Years of dating means at least now I know I’ll have better odds of personal compatibility. And while I don’t have specific race rules, there are cultural patterns that dictate certain cultures grow guys I have a higher likelihood of connecting to than others, which in due course does dictate a risk profile for pursuing a particular date. Likewise that often carries through to bedroom behaviour, confident & energetic or reserved & timid. Question: Am I wrong to consider the years or patterns or experiences when I meet a guy?

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