HomoTech :: Everyone Loves a Racist Boy - Online
It shouldn't come as a surprise that we live in a racist world. Recently, however, much has been made about the tolerated "No Asians, please" attitude when it comes to gay online dating/cruising. But what I found troubling is that indignant white guys are at the forefront of this race-sensitive issue, standing up for the targeted minorities. Not a very convincing way to frame an argument, if you ask me.
Can prejudice be justified by personal preference, or is this just a matter of politically incorrect taste?
To find out, I went straight to the source - horny, possibly racist guys of all ethnic backgrounds - to tease them into showing their true colors. I spent a week on Grindr, trying my hardest to come off completely racist. Whenever I received a message, I'd introduce myself with a "looking for friends or looking to fuck?"
I had very important research to conduct here, folks, and I couldn't afford to waste time. If the person on the other side answered with an interest in fuck-buddying, I would immediately respond that I wasn't into the particular ethnic category they had listed. Here's how the spectrum of guys took race-specific rejection right in the face.
The White Guy
"J" understood where I was coming from: he happens to go for Asian guys almost exclusively. He was caught off guard, though, when I became more particular about my racial preference and told him I was into "anything but white." He found my stance interesting and unusual, since "most people keep ’white’ in their catalogue of possibilities."
Interesting, indeed. J still holds on to the erroneous concept that we operate around a white standard - which is perhaps why ethnic fetish flourishes. "I guess it is something I take for granted," he said thinking no one would ever reject a white guy. Until now.
The Asian Guy
Being perhaps the most targeted in the gay online community in terms of both rejection and fetish, Asian guys must be sick of it all.
If they are, they play more like they’re over it all. It didn’t bother "Sean" that I was not into Asian guys. "It’s just an opinion," he justified.
"Racism is an opinion," I reminded him. He later asked why I felt the way I did, why "no Asians, please," and at the point it was easier to just log off. How do you answer that without coming off like a total bigot?
The Middle Eastern Guy
Early on, I realized how terrible I was at racial profiling. I wrongly assumed "Alex" was white, then had to swallow my original prejudice and tell him I wasn’t into Middle Eastern guys, either.
We kept talking for a while despite how picky and flimsy I sounded. Turns out, he was interested in me because of my ethnicity. "I usually have great chemistry with [Latino] guys," he told me. But trust me, papi, that’s as problematic an assertion as writing someone off completely because of race.
[Read how The Black Guy, The Latino Guy, The Racist Guy and The Blind Guy reacted on the next page!]
The Black Guy
"L" had no problem with my self-made rule against hooking up with black guys. "I have preferences too," he admitted. His were mostly physical; he doesn’t really go for short guys.
He agreed when I pointed out, in my defense, that race is a physical attribute as well, but he would never rule anyone out entirely just because of a specific preference - racial or otherwise. Well, "as long as I find a guy attractive."
The Latino Guy
My shortest conversation was with "Sebastian." Even though he was "kinda hammered," he had the logical capacity to cut his losses and stop wasting time with me.
When I sent him my customary, "hope you’re not offended" consolation message, he responded that he didn’t care enough. I was thrilled! Maybe that’s the best strategy: turn around and leave the bigots trapped in their own narrow mindset. Sebastian sure made me proud to be Latino.
The Racist Guy
Most of the guys I spoke with during my pseudo-prejudice phase didn’t strike me as consciously acting in a viciously racist way; they just wanted to get laid.
That is, until I grinded into "Chris." Not only did he buy into the stereotype that Asian guys had small penises, but he also assumed that I, being Latino, must be a bottom - all in one message!
Never had I felt so offended, and what is more infuriating is that Chris thought he was being cute and funny. Trust me, you were neither. Thank god for whoever gave us gays the ability to "block."
The Blind Guy
After disclosing my "preferences," most guys were surprisingly cool with them. Some white guys even wished me good luck on my search for a more exotic cookie. "Whatever rocks your boat," was their passive mentality - just letting it happen, even though I kept hoping otherwise.
Of course, I know it’s futile to argue with someone’s narrow-minded opinion, but I still was waiting for a guy to call me out on being an asshole. What I was doing was totally unacceptable! I cringed every time I sent out that "not into (insert ethnicity here)" message.
Deep down, it just felt wrong rejecting someone based solely on race. It might have been my personal "taste," but it was not tasteful. Where’s that snarky gay bitch-out when you need it the most? I guess I’ll have to try harder next time.
He blogs here.
This story is part of our special report titled "HomoTech." Want to read more? Here's the full list.