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Reddit User Asks Community to Help Him Support His Now ’Out’ Son

by Jacob Long
Wednesday Oct 2, 2013

A man identifying himself as a 43-year-old father appealed to the Internet Sept. 18, asking for guidance with his gay son.

The father, who says the two moved from Asia to Boston in 2004 when the boy was 10 years old, said he was "astonished" when his son came out to him.

Telling his son he'd support him through thick and thin, he just wanted to know: "How can I learn to accept him?"

Below are the top-rated answers to the father's predicament, as voted on by users of the social information site.

The Introduction:

Hello Reddit, Asian dad signing in. I moved to the United States in 2004, when my son was 10 years old. As I raised him, I always told him to keep an open mind and always take into account different perspectives to fully form an opinion on a matter. Recently, he opened up to me and told me he was gay. I was astonished, to say the least. I never expected it, and I just told him, "Son, I respect you as a person, and I will always love you no matter what."

Personally, I don't think I've come to terms with it just yet. How can I learn to accept him?

The Answers:

AuntVictoria says: It's good that you're trying to accept him! You could try contacting PFLAG . They're used to hearing stories like yours and they're very non judgmental.

TrishaAyla says: Always remember that he is not doing this to hurt anybody or to make your life hard.. It simply is who he is and he cant help it either. Also try to imagine you having to tell your dad the same thing and realize how hard that must have been

theLoneliestAardvark says: Don't let the fact that he is gay define him in your eyes and overshadow the fact that he is your son and all the other things about him. There are many facets of every person and think of all the great things that you do love about him. Things seldom go the way we expect them to but that doesn't mean they have to be bad. And remember, he didn't choose to be gay, and almost nobody would choose to be an outcast and risk isolating their family. He needs your love now more than ever!

Stand-Up says: I have a child who has CP, DS (Trisomy 21), AVSD, IBS(UC), and is deaf in her right ear. There was nothing we can do to prevent it, it just happened, and it's going to be a struggle for the remainder of her life.
These are actual birth defects and it sucks. Nothing we could do to prevent, nothing we can do to fix. The fact that your son wants to kiss other people's sons is not a birth defect. I sometimes feel the other parents we interact with look at it that way. It's everything I can do not to grab them by the scruff and scream "Be happy your kids can feel love for someone. Let them. we need more love in the world!"

I hope someday my daughter develops enough to say that she's in love with something. Even if it isn't us. If she strings together the words to say "I love the pillow" I'll be happy to walk her chair down the aisle so she can marry her damn pillow. You don't know how happy I would be to hear her speak coherently, and express emotions.

Charrobeans says: Your son is happy. This is key to everything. You seem disappointed he's gay, but not because of his lifestyle. You think life will be harder for him because he is gay. You should be proud of your son to step up and be at the forefront of such an amazing time for gays and gay pride. I am gay myself and cannot stomach the disappointment my latino family will feel. I've asked them what they think about gays and they think it's disgusting because they think about the sex: they dont think about me being happy and in a healthy, wholesome relationship with someone who makes my life feel complete and can create a wonderful life.

Pookie_Princess says: You said that you haven't "accepted" or "come to terms with" his truth yet. What do you think is holding you back? You should really focus on that part. Identify what is causing you to feel this way. Do you feel uncomfortable, do you view him differently, do you treat him differently, do you worry he will get teased or mistreated, are you worried he won't find a partner and get married, are you embarrassed about what your community will think, do you think he can change back to a straight person, etc.?

As an Asian American, I understand how taboo this kind of thing is in our culture and also how it's never openly discussed or spoken about as it is in American culture. I feel that it's way more accepted in American culture. Is this where part of your hesitation to accept the truth stems from, that your community will judge him and treat him differently? Strangers can be cruel, but you can't control them. All you can do is focus on the relationship between you and your son, and focus on keeping it strong and healthy.

As a parent, all you want for your child is to be healthy, happy, and successful. Please know that for your child to come clean about the truth about who he really is, it unloaded a burden from his soul and he is free to be truly happy now. He doesn't have to feel tired of hiding who he really is anymore. Imagine how exhausting it must have been for him to hide that part about himself from the people closest to him. Put yourself in his shoes too. Imagine how hard it must have been to come out to his parents and everyone in his life, how vulnerable and scared he must have been.

It's not something that he chose for himself. Like when I was growing up, I just KNEW I liked the opposite gender. It wasn't something someone explained to me. I was just NATURALLY attracted to the opposite gender. It's probably the same for your son. It's just a part of who he is.

Your love and support means more than you know. Not everyone gets that kind of support after coming out to their friends and families; not having it destroys them. I'm glad to hear you told him you love him no matter what.

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