'Zaddy' Christopher Meloni: 'I Catch Flies With my Ass Cheeks'

Sunday August 8, 2021
Originally published on August 4, 2021

Christopher Meloni went to college to study contemporary U.S. diplomacy and communism but then the Berlin Wall fell and he chose a different path: acting. Ten years of failed auditions, he recalls in an interview with Men's Health Magazine how he would stand in front of the mirror and shout at himself.

"What the fuck are you doing? You get the opportunity to be in the room to take this job, and this is what you do? This is the best? That's what you did? You sucked!"

His luck changed, first with an ongoing role on the hit HBO prison series "Oz" in 1998, then as Detective Elliot Stabler on "Law and Order: SVU" the following year. But with success came added anxiety. "

When my career started to happen, I could feel it. But I didn't want to trust it, because I had struggled for so long — or at least it felt like I'd struggled for so long — and I didn't want it to go away. I don't know how many people get this opportunity to dream a dream and have it come to fruition," he told Men's Health. "Because everyone does the first part, but to have it come to fruition then starts a whole other journey of Now what? And What is this? And How do you manage?

Stabler became his signature role, but after 12 seasons, he couldn't negotiate his new contract and he left the show. He then relocated to Los Angeles, and pursued other acting projects. But when Dick Wolf, the creator of the series, called him in 2020 with a new series centered around Meloni's character, he returned.

The new show, "SVU: Organized Crime," had its debut in April. Then the week after the premiere, Meloni was photographed in Brooklyn filming a scene for the series; or rather his back side — a butt girth that rivaled Kim Kardashian's —and the pic went viral, with even Cher commenting on it.

"'Zaddy! the Internet cried," Men's Health continued. "And Zaddy Meloni welcomed his new acolytes onto his thickly quaded lap. When I tell him he's having a cultural moment, he says, accurately, 'My ass is.' And Meloni, with his butch blend of off-color bluntness and gleeful mugging, is enjoying the high. 'It's cool as shit,' he says of having a renaissance in the back third of his life."

That includes having the cover story of Men's Health, which not only covers his career and life, but also follows him through a workout. "Did you ever think in a million years you'd be on the cover of Men's Health?" The magazine asked him. "Certainly not at age 60."

"In other words, if Meloni and his melons were going to happen, they should have happened already. So why does America want him to be its Zaddy now?" Men's Health adds.

But what does Meloni think a Zaddy is? "I just thought it was a cutie thing," he told Men's Health. As adorable as a hulking 195-pound man can be, he is told, it is "reserved for an older gentleman." "Zaddy plus? Zady Platinum? Meloni asks. It was also explained to him that he was too young previously to be considered a Zaddy. "

He then explains how skillful he's become with his ass cheeks. ""I'm clever with my ass cheeks!" Adding, "I catch flies with my ass cheeks, like a Venus flytrap."