Sex Therapist Contends Straight Men Having Sex with Men Aren't Gay, Just Getting Off

Sunday March 7, 2021
Originally published on March 2, 2021

Sex Therapist Contends Straight Men Having Sex with Men Aren't Gay, Just Getting Off
  (Source:Getty Images)

When is sex between men not gay? How about when straight men do it.

That is the controversial view of out sex therapist Dr. Joe Kort who argues that "when straight men have sex with men it's not a gay thing, it's a guy thing," reports the Australian news outlet


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"In general, men have more transactional sex with one another, in general women don't. Men have objectified sex where it's just about the act, it's just about getting off," he said.

Kort is described on his website this way: "Psychotherapist, coach and author Joe Kort, Ph.D, MSW, MA founded his practice in 1985. Its specialties include: Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy, emphasizing how being knowledgeable about gay issues informs the therapeutic process, and IMAGO Relationship Therapy, a specific program to help couples and singles learn to improve their communication and relationship skills."

Dr. Joel Kort  

He is the author of four books and numerous journal and magazine articles. He is also the host of "Smart Sex, Smart Love," a podcast series that can be listened to at this link.

In a report on the website, Kort elaborated: "Straight men are not attracted to men, they're attracted to the sex with men. Could some of these men be gay or bisexual? Absolutely, but that comes over time and that's a trajectory that only they can be in touch with to figure that out."

He added another reason for the behavior: "The straight man who is having sex with another man is into it because the guy is into him, it's all about him."

He elaborated on TikTok: "Another reason why straight men have sex with men is narcissism. Being narcissistic is a buzz word these days... but what does it really mean? In its mental health form, it means that this person is arrogant, is grandiose, can't accept feedback; and everything is all about themselves. The straight men who is having sex with another man is into it because the guy is into him. It's all about him.... He would like to have that with women but women don't usually show that kind of adoration to men in the same way that gay men would do that for other men. The rest of us walk around narcissistically wounded. This can be another reason that a straight guy would have sex with another man, because he is looking for adoration. He is enjoying the attention. He is enjoying the guy worshipping him, making him feel like a million dollars. So in this situation it is really about the narcissistic guy, not about the other guy he is having sex with."

In another video Kort says another reason why straight men have sex with men is "butt play." "Some men enjoy being penetrated, some men enjoy being played with. They turn to their female partners. Their female partners either are disgusted (or) think they are gay or bi. The man himself might be worried he gay or bi, so he doesn't tell her, he is too ashamed, so he turns to men. They go to a therapist and the therapist tells them they are probably gay or bi because they enjoy butt play. So then they come to my office and they've read all my books and say, 'Joe Kort. If I am gay or bi, help me come out.' And I say to them after we do a thorough examination that your butt doesn't have a sexual orientation. It doesn't know whether it is gay, straight or bi. It is a butt. It is a sex act. It has nothing to do with your orientation. It might. Although there are many gay men that I talk about who are 'sides.' They are not tops or bottoms. They don't like butt play. They never have butt play. They are still gay. So please understand that if you are a straight man and you enjoy butt play, it has nothing to do with your orientation."

And in a third video he offered a reason why straight men have sex with trans individuals: "They're attracted to women, very feminine women. There are some males that present very feminine. There are some straight men that are so attracted to the femininity in these men that that is what turns them on. Some straight men and some bi men, are attracted to trans women who have not had bottom surgery yet. So from the waist up they have breasts, the make-up, nails — they present female. From the waist down, they still have a penis and testicles. So the straight men can perform oral sex on her, can receive anal sex from her. This is not usually a gay guy's fantasy. If he is doing all that, he wants to be looking at a man. But this a straight man's fantasy. He is attracted to gender fluidity and femininity."

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