When You Stop Eating Off Your Boyfriend’s Abs and Come To The Table

by Richard Frisbie

EDGE Media Network Contributor

Wednesday August 27, 2008

Yeah, I know. You've got a boyfriend who's so hot you could fry eggs on his abs. Guys who say that never send the boyfriend over so I can see for myself. Sort of "bob for his apples" if you catch my drift. Still, the whole image of having rippling male flesh as a plate made my head spin. I don't know why that made me think of food, but I got to wondering what one would serve on a washboard stomach - and how.

Naturally, utensils are out. You wouldn't want to break that beautiful skin any more than you'd want to break fine china. Limiting myself to only using my hands and tongue, I came up with a few recipes for some stimulating dishes to share.

Shrimp Cocktail

I mean it's a natural, right? Simply use his bellybutton (make sure he's an innie) to hold the cocktail sauce. Then arrange the peeled shrimp around it in a spiral ending somewhere below his tan line (just how adventuresome are you?) For the most sensual experience, pick the shrimp up with your teeth, nibbling and licking your plate clean as you go. Be sure to start at the center, and work your way around and down, stopping only when your appetite is satisfied. Need I say more?

Adonis Salad

I got to wondering what one would serve on a washboard stomach - and how.

This involves cream cheese (what could be bad about that?) and a pastry bag. The idea is all visual. Lay out a lettuce leaf for each person (how many for dinner?) Place a thin slice of tomato on each, surround it with heart shaped pieces of green pepper, and pipe thinned cream cheese around to outline them. Sprinkle with chopped beets and green scallions.

There you have it, a visually stunning and hearty salad. This one I'd eat with my fingertips, tickling my plate as I did so. Use the left over cream cheese as sensuously as possible, but remember to lick your plate clean when you're done.

Cherries & Cream

Whip your cream with a little vanilla, or, if you like it dark, some cocoa powder, and sugar. Build a small mound of ripe cherries and spoon the cream over it. Savor the cherries, remembering to spit the pits out creatively. This is a simple dessert with a minimum of clean up, so you have more time for fun and games after dinner. (How about a rousing game of Find the Pit?) Then, if you've neglected to feed your reclining plate, (First - shame on you! Dinner is not only about your appetites.) this would be a good time to put something in his mouth to satisfy his hunger.

There you have it, food, foreplay and fun, and the dishes are good for you, too! If you're anything like me, you may never eat at the table again.

Richard Frisbie is a bookseller and publisher in New York State whose food & wine travel articles appear in LGBTQ and regional periodicals, as-well-as at Gather.com, Globalfoodie.com and GoNomad.com. He accepts free copies of books for review, restaurant meals to critique, bottles of wine and liquor for tastings, and all-expense-paid trips in exchange for articles about the destinations. He is paid for these articles. Richard promotes informed, authentic information about food, wine and travel, and does not allow the financial arrangements and/or sponsorship to affect his judgment. You can email him at: [email protected]

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