My Two-Cents

Would you like to make a little extra pocket change? Try being a gay father because hoards of people want to give you their "two cents!"

Greg and I could pay for a Montessori preschool just on sun block advice alone. Seeing that our daughter Elly remains unburned, not tanned, and with the pigmentation of a glass of milk should be a perfect indicator to these "advice-givers" that we are well aware of our ozone challenges. But the veritable throngs of people who have asked if she has sun block on (as if I am so mentally deficient that the thought may have totally escaped me) is laughable. Now, I could have easily asked one of these "advice-givers" if she thought that the bikini she was wearing was really her best option, or offered another some helpful advice on how she could better hoist her boobs up from her mid-thigh region, but I didn't. I kept my claws in and appropriately exercised restraint. As a gay man, of course I am going to safeguard my daughter from looking like a walking Slim Jim at thirty!

One of these first encounters was in the pediatrician's waiting room. As we waited for our one-week visit, Greg had given Elly a bottle and was burping her. He was doing a perfectly fine job. He didn't look challenged or as if he needed any help with this task when this mom came over, tried to grab Elly from Greg, and insisted Greg try burping Elly her way. (I should mention that her child looked like she hadn't seen the inside of a bathtub for a week but you didn't see me reaching for the loofa.) I am quite certain and willing to bet that if we were women, that little scene would never have occurred. Add two more cents to the piggybank and pass me some Purell while you're at it.

And then there is the bottle-warming advice - oh the endless bottle warming advice! Though there is absolutely no nutritional necessity in warming bottles, some moms would tell you it's the only way your child will truly ever feel loved. The best advice we received was not to fall into the "warming trap." First off, babies get used to what you get them used to; they don't know any better. And at 3AM, it's much nicer to get everyone back to sleep sooner than to have to wait for a bottle to warm. A warm snuggle from daddy while giving baby her bottle will assure baby that she is loved.

Don't get me wrong; there are plenty of times when one needs and actually wants advice from someone who has "been there, done that." It's one thing to ask for advice but it's entirely different when moms will proselytize. Why does this occur? I believe it is because in our society it is the "norm" for mothers to be the primary caretakers. And because some fathers pride themselves on the "hands-off-feeding-and-diapering-babies-is-a-woman's-job" approach, the notion of moms being better suited is further solidified. Gay dads come into parenting already outside of these social norms. While the absence of a uterus means I cannot bear a child, it does not limit my ability to raise a child. And that's my two-cents. Shove that in your piggybank.