Tusk

Imagine "The Human Centipede" as a post-modern romance and you'll begin to get "Tusk," the oddball horror/comedy from Kevin Smith. Or perhaps Smith is offering a parable on karma. Just look what happens: Wallace Bryton (Justin Long), the film's protagonist, has gone from nice guy to shrewd, rude podcaster whose talent is to feast on the misery of others with the help of his yukking sidekick Teddy (Haley Joel Osment). (They call their show the 'Not See Party.') But what happens to him in a remote Canadian lodge is the kind of horror story Wallace and Teddy would glibly make fun of.

One such story, about a podcast fan that cut his leg off while recreating a scene from "Kill Bill," sends Wallace to Manitoba for an interview. But when he gets there, the boy has killed himself. Annoyed that his trip is a waste, he answers an inquiry he sees in the men's room of a local bar from a retired sailor who offers free room and board to anyone who would listen to his tall stories.

This leads him to a handsome Edwardian manse in the middle of nowhere where he encounters Howard Howe (Michael Parks), a crusty, old seafarer with plenty of adventures to tell and some odd, but tasty tea to drink as he tells them. One such story has Howe shipwrecked and saved by a loving walrus, who treats him with a motherly tenderness he has never experienced. As he tells it, Wallace begins to pass out.

You can figure out what's next - especially if you know "The Human Centipede." Wallace is drugged and methodically turned into a walrus by Howe. Back in LA Teddy and Ally (Genesis Rodriguez), Wallace's girlfriend, are concerned that Wallace isn't answering texts or calls. They hire a French/Canadian detective Guy Lapointe (a droll cameo by Johnny Depp), which soon has them following his tracks to the wilderness. But will Wallace be saved?

This being a Kevin Smith movie, you can probably figure that out as well. Smith smartass tone sits somewhere between the Coen Brothers and John Waters - deadpan irony with plenty of shock value. The good news is that Smith avoids the usual gory transformation sequences that leave you squeamish in these kind of movies; the bad news is that his humor is largely right out of Comedy Central (with Canadians being the butt of most jokes). Worse Smith's is a tall tale, but not an especially suspenseful one, just weird in the way that old B-movies can sometimes be.

Smith came up with the idea for the film after seeing an ad in a British newspaper about a man that offered free room and board to someone, the only condition being that they dress up in a walrus suit every now and then. This became a subject on his successful podcast SModcast, which led him to polling his audience to see if anyone was interested in him making a movie about it. (According to Wikipedia, Smith told his Twitter followers to tweet "#WalrusYes" if they wanted to see their hypothetical turned into a film, or "#WalrusNo" if they did not.). Smith had retired from making movies just two years ago; but was pulled back in by the overwhelming response from fans.

What he's made isn't near as smug as "Red State," his 2011 political fantasy inspired by the Westboro Baptist Church; but it's nowhere as original as "Dogma," his 1999 satire on Catholic beliefs, or as much fun as the films that feature Jay and Silent Bob. What it has going for it is Justin Long, who supplies the emotional arc (for what there is) to the film, moving from likable dick to tragicomic hero with deft skill. If someone is moved by the end of the film, I wouldn't be surprised. When he becomes the walrus, he's never more than a frantically freaked out Justin Long in a makeshift suit, but there's a sense of real terror in his eyes, like he's part of a nightmare he can't wake up from, which only adds to the film's eerie fascination.