Balancing Act :: Author Kenny Porpora Talks of Growing Up Amongst Dysfunction

At just 28 years old, Kenny Porpora is arguably too young to have penned a memoir. But then again, few people have experienced the kind of life that he has.

Porpora's poignant and often darkly comedic debut book, "The Autumn Balloon," follows an early childhood in which he was forced to negotiate a life with an alcoholic mother, troubled father and an extended family plagued by drug addiction. Indeed, the narrative examines a precarious life - in a perpetual state of flux and uncertainty.

And yet, it is the motif of movement that Porpora actually celebrates; refusing to follow his family into a cycle of addiction, Porpora climbed from a childhood that witnessed him living in a car to a place in the Ivy League -- graduating from the Columbia School of Journalism in 2007. The narrative is, by his own admission, concerned with the idea of progress and the 'power of the individual' to change one's circumstances. Ultimately, this is a tale that shuns sentimentality and refuses to dwell on sadness.

"The Autumn Balloon" is also a conspicuous love story; it scrutinizes familial bonds that remain defiantly strong in the face of extraordinary adversity. In keeping with this theme, Porpora dedicated the memoir to the struggling mother at the heart of his story.

Porpora lives in Los Angeles where he works as a journalist. He is also a co-founder of Man About World magazine and has written for the New York Times. Edge chatted to the out Porpora about the writing of the book, his nuanced exploration of difficult themes, and his plans for the future.

Why a memoir at 28?

EDGE: Let's start with some background -- when and why did you decide to write this memoir?

Kenny Porpora: The truth is, I don't really know, I had never really thought about writing about my life. And then one night in San Francisco I started thinking about my life in a way that was more much methodic than I had done before, and a few things happened at the same time: I started to see my life in terms of a narrative, and I thought about the idea of a book. Also, I started to think about all the people that I had lost as a child, and I started to think about how I didn't know them as an adult. And so I would sit down and write stories about these people that I didn't know anymore, and it was a way of spending time with them. It became a fun thing that I did, with no end game in mind really, and before I knew it I had six chapters.

EDGE: How long did it take you to write?

Kenny Porpora: The first round took me nine months, and that was pre-agent and pre-book deal. The original draft actually started at part two of the book. I am around 14 at the start of part two and all the characters that had passed away were included in the narrative as ghosts -- not literally, but more emotionally and figuratively. My editor wanted to explore those characters some more, so I wrote the earlier part of the story, and that became part one of the book that we have now.

A cathartic experience

EDGE: Emotionally - was it difficult to write? Or cathartic? Or both?

Kenny Porpora: Going back on the idea of figuratively kind of spending time with them... [pauses] well I loved those people so much that for me it was a lot of fun writing it, even though it was very dark and very sad at times. For me it was like this oasis in my day. And yeah it was hard at times, to see the world through little Kenny's eyes again and relive those days over and lose those people over again. [Pauses] I think that every emotion you can think of I experienced (laughs). And I would send chapters to my agent, and they would be concerned about running it because it was too dark, and I was confused because I thought I was writing a comedy [Laughs]

EDGE: Is there something specific that you want your readers to take away from the experience? Is there a message that you are trying to get across?

Kenny Porpora: The story is arguably about the power of the individual - the ability to have a life that is different from the one you were born into. So I think anyone reading that believes that they might have inherited some kind of failure, [pauses] well I want them to realize that they aren't their parents or their family -- I want to show that you can rise above difficult circumstances.

EDGE: The book is about family, and a familial love that survives even in extraordinarily difficult circumstances. In terms of the book release, was it a struggle for the family members that you wrote about? Was there anger? Or were they able to understand?

Kenny Porpora: I thought about my mom everyday that I wrote this. She was my one big concern, because a lot of people had passed away, and so, I knew that she would be devastated when she read it ... and she was. Usually my mom's response to sadness is anger, but this is the first time I saw her as just sad. There came a point where I wasn't sure if it was even worth it anymore. But I dedicated the book to her and I had hoped that she would see all of the love that is in it -- and she has. A month after it was published she sent me a note saying it was a beautiful book.

Mom's struggle

EDGE: Your mom's struggle is central to this story. How is she now? Is she recovering?

Kenny Porpora: Yeah -- she's really supportive of the story. When the book ends she's in a better situation. She's doing well for herself now, she has her own home and some adorable pups and she's in good spirits. She grew up in a family that lost so many to addiction, so honestly I think the most important thing is that she's still alive and doing well. She just celebrated her 60th birthday, which is wonderful.

EDGE: You've lived through addiction - not your own - but you witnessed it in your family. Can you offer advice to other people that have struggled through similar things?

Kenny Porpora: I don't know what addiction is like - I was addicted to a certain kind of toxic love - and that's the closest I've come to being an addict. When you're emotionally involved in situations like that, it's like being strapped to a bomb, and a lot of people tell you to walk away. However, it's different when it's your own parents! You don't have that luxury. For some people it tears them apart, and I think you can become addicted to caretaking. I don't have advice per se, but self-love is very important, and you need your feet on solid ground.

EDGE: You're out, but you don't really explore your sexuality too much in the book -- you casually come out to your mom in the car towards the end of the book. Was it a conscious decision not to explore your sexual identity?

Kenny Porpora: The original nine chapters that I wrote that didn't make it into the book were about my relationship -- which is something I have explored in a recent article for Buzzfeed. I didn't take out discussion of my sexuality for any reason; it was just that the story was different. The reason it wasn't mentioned a lot is because being gay for me is so matter of fact. I was nervous about telling my mom, but at the same time, it was like, this is reality. I guess I kind of felt like I had so much else going on [Laughs].

EDGE: Your family uses a lot of homophobic language throughout the book -- did you struggle with your sexual identity because of this? Has this changed since you came out?

Kenny Porpora: Even though they use the word 'fag' a lot, I just knew that they loved me, and I knew that my friends loved me. I could tell the difference between my brother making fun of me, and actual homophobia in the real world.

EDGE: You have just published an article on Buzzfeed, and you are a contributing editor and co-founder of the digital travel magazine, Man About World. Will we be seeing more of this work?

Kenny Porpora: Yeah absolutely! I think travelling is a big part of my life. A couple of years ago me and these two guys started a travel magazine called Man About World and it has a gay slant to it. I love to travel; it's like an escape for me.

EDGE: Do you have any further plans to write books? What else is next for you?

Kenny Porpora: I do have a book project coming up, and it will be fiction this time, but I can't tell you much more about it!

For more on "The Autumn Balloon," visit Amazon.com.