Raising Ryland: Our Story of Parenting a Transgender Child with No Strings Attached

"Raising Ryland," a paperback original, is now available. In this book, Hillary Whittington reviews some of the most fearful moments of her life as a mother to her child Ryland. Many of the various challenges of newborn parenting are carried by the mother and father with typical awkwardness and joy. One day, Hillary realizes that little Ryland dislikes female things, which at first seems unusual to her. Eventually she comes to understand that Ryland doesn't just dislike female objects and clothing, but Ryland absolutely knows that he is a male born in a female body. As Hillary accepts this, not only does her outlook on gender and child development change, but she realizes that she is in the unique position to offer Ryland a loving and accepting environment.

The narrative is really written for people who don't understand gender as a spectrum, and believe that biological sex determines gender. With that mindset, it is a real challenge to admit that a person who identifies strongly with their non-biological gender is not mentally ill or broken in some way. Certainly, Hillary and her husband Jeff struggled mightily to accept Ryland's gender identity. It would have been enough for most children to be raised by parents who loved them enough to do so.

Additionally, these parents take on the burden of broadcasting Ryland's social transition to friends, family and school officials. The fact that they are willing to do so, despite strong anti-transgender messages from their family, peers and larger society speaks volumes about their character and their willingness to take risks when their child's life is on the line. Initial fears about the wrongness of their child turn into righteous indignation as both Jeff and Hillary realize that there is actually nothing wrong with Ryland, but rather, something wrong with a society that demonizes transgendered adults and children.

There is strong evidence that transgendered and genderqueer individuals have existed in every age and culture, and the acceptance of their existence has varied widely. Particularly, transphobia is best understood as a demonization of the other, and hardest to eliminate when people realize that they know a transperson and that person comes with a family and a community and is more than just gender identity. Testimonies such as "Raising Ryland" are the strongest kind of evidence for transgendered equality as well as proof that love and a lot of hard work make a family.

"Raising Ryland"
Hillary Whittington with Krissy Gasbarre
Harper Collins: William Morrow Paperbacks
http://www.harpercollins.com/9780062388889/raising-ryland
$15.99 Trade Paperback