Summer Film Preview

Even though summer is just beginning, there have already been a slew of blockbuster movies that have invaded theaters like so many mosquitoes at a blood bank buffet. We've already escorted "Alice Through The Looking Glass," got more bang for our buck with three megastars (George Clooney, Julia Roberts and director Jodie Foster) in "Money Monster," a movie based on a video game ("Angry Birds"), a comedy sequel with "Neighbors 2" and the latest installments of "Captain America" and "X-Men."

Somehow, I remember that the official kickoff to the summer movie season used to be Memorial Day weekend-then again, I've used a rotary phone-so there's that. So, you might ask, what does the rest of the summer movie forecast hold for moviegoers?

Here's you sneak preview.

FLICKS WITH CHICKS AND GUY CANDY

Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie will by far be the gayest movie of the entire summer, as the antics of everyone's favorite"sweetie darlings"transition to the big screen. After a rather unfortunate public incident involving Kate Moss, Edina (Jennifer Saunders) and Patsy (Joanna Lumley) hightail it to the French Riviera to lay low, while being pursued by relentless paparazzi. I wonder if movie theaters will be serving up "Gorgeous, little, nibbly things" and "Champs" to enhance the movie going experience? (July 22)

Grab the Kleenex, as Me Before You details the story of a wealthy man Will (Sam Clafin, "The Hunger Games") who becomes permanently disabled after an accident. Enter Lou (Emilia Clarke, "Game of Thrones") who becomes his
caregiver, as she sets out to show him life is worth living, while learning a little something about it herself in the process. This one gets a "Two Sniffles" rating. (June 3)

Keeping up the tradition of tossing the word "Bad"in the title to let audiences know where the characters are at, is Bad Moms. Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell and Kathryn Hahn are the titular ladies who become fed up with their over achieving and under appreciated lives and decide to cut loose in a big way. (July 29)

When Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, they advertise that desire on "The Wendy Williams Show," and it spells shenanigans for the two brothers (Zac Efron and Andy DeVine). Thinking they have secured demure dates for their sister's wedding in Hawaii, the two end up with the polar opposite with a couple of wild girls (Anna Kendrick and Aubrey Plaza), who provide the nuptials with its
"something blue."(July 8)

Pop Star: Never Stop Never Stopping doesn't chronicle Justin Bieber in concert (he is far too busy posting butt shots on Instagram and refusing to take pictures with fans). Wouldn't that still be a picture of an ass? Rather, it is a mockumentary by The Lonely Island (Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone) that follows Connor4Real (Samberg) going solo from his boy band and desperately trying to hang onto his celebrity as the project is a flop. (June 3)

HEROES AND VILLAINS

"Who you gonna call..." in 2016? Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones, are the new Ghostbusters in this reboot. Plot details are scarce, but here's what we know: Wiig and McCarthy have written a book claiming that ghosts are real and are laughed out of academia, Chris Hemsworth is on hand
as their receptionist and Slimer, from the original film, will be making a gooey reappearance. The rumor mill also suggests that some of the original film's stars may make cameos. Umm, who's gonna sing the theme song? (July 15)

The Legend of Tarzan stars Alexander Skarsg�rd as the titular Lord of the Jungle. He has left Africa behind, married Jane (Margot Robbie), is living in London and gets drawn back to the Congo when an unscrupulous Belgian captain (Christoph Waltz) threatens his former home. I guess that explains why Tarzan's wearing pants and not his loin cloth...Boo! (July 1)

Star Trek Beyond is the third film in this reboot series, and is the first not directed by J.J. Abrams but rather by "Fast and the Furious" helmer Justin Lin. This time out Kirk (Chris Pine), Spock (Zachary Quinto) and the crew of the Enterprise are stranded on an alien planet and must face off with villainous Krall (Idris Elba). KRAAAAAALLLL! (July 22)

Independence Day: Resurgence takes place two decades after the alien invasion events of the original. This time around, the world must use recovered alien technology to stop the onslaught, minus Will Smith. Guess it hits too close to home, with him being a Scientologist and all. (June 24)

Matt Damon returns to his role of Jason Bourne. You can expect big stunts, action up the wazoo and for his character to remember who he is. Somebody took their ginkgo biloba! (July 29)

The Suicide Squad is assembled by a covert government agency who want to use the released supervillains to carry out a dangerous black ops mission and will offer them clemency in exchange for services rendered. Get ready for Jared Leto's take on The Joker! (August 5)

BE SCURED... VERY SCURED

"They're baaaack..." Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga) are investigating spooky goings on in The Conjuring 2. This time, the setting
is England and the case involves one of the most frightening hauntings on record. (June 10)

Cell is based on Stephen King's novel and stars John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson fighting zombies, after a cellphone signal turns regular folks into the walking dead! It's basically a documentary about our dependence on smartphones. (July 8)

"Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water..."Or rather, The Shallows, here comes the tale of Blake Lively as a surfer vs. a very persistent great white shark. I don't know, she seems kinda stringy. (June 29)

The Purge: Election Year is probably less scary than the real-life one we're experiencing right now - featuring the tangerine with bad hair - vying for the White House. As it stands in the film version, Senator Charlene Roan (Elizabeth Mitchell) is the frontrunner in her campaign to do away with The Purge. (July 1)

It's a safe bet, you won't be hitting the sheets after seeing this fright flick, Lights Out, about a mysterious entity that only appears in the dark! Now where's my damn nightlight? (July 22)

KID STUFF

Once-lost Nemo (Alexander Gould) and his dad Marlin (Albert Brookes) are in charge of Finding Dory when the absent-minded Blue Tang (Ellen DeGeneres) goes off in search of her parents (Diane Keaton and Eugene Levy). (June 17)

The man who brought us E.T. is back with another initialed character in The BFG, as Steven Spielberg tells the tale of Sophie (Ruby Barnhill) who befriends a "big friendly giant" with that interesting moniker. Seriously, what did you think those initials stood for? Never mind, I don't wanna know. (July 1)

OSCAR BAIT

Florence Foster Jenkins stars Meryl Streep as a New York City heiress who is bound and determined to sing opera at Carnegie Hall. The problem? She's a terrible singer! Based on a true story and certainly borrowed from any number of "I Love Lucy" episodes. (August 12)

Hands of Stone is the true story of boxing legend Roberto Duran (Edgar Ramirez) and his trainer Ray Arcel (Robert De Niro) and their quest for glory, while The Founder stars Michael Keaton as McDonald's (umm, founder) Ray Kroc. Look for a cameo by Carrot Top as Ronald McDonald. (August 26 and August 5)

Oh Darn! I didn't get around to Jean-Claude Van Damme returning to his signature role in Kickboxer: Vengeance... insert sarcasm here. There you have it, with more than a few choices for images, flickering across silver screens this summer. HAPPY VIEWING!