Yelp Review of Berlin Techno/Sex Club Goes Viral, Blasted as Fake & Anti-Gay

A now-deleted Yelp review from a straight man who unexpectedly found himself at an infamous Berlin gay sex club is going viral this week. While a number of social media users found the review hilarious and shared it, others are crying foul, calling the review fake and homophobic.

The review was written by man named Kyle W. from San Antonio, Texas, who was on vacation in Berlin. He says he met two guys from London at his hotel bar. Asking if he could hang with them on the Saturday night, the men told Kyle they were going to Berghain -- an exclusive techno club that hosts a no-holds-bar gay sex event, according to its Wikipedia article. The Metro writes the nightclub is "synonymous with decadence and hedonism - which has rooms reserved for all sorts of non-vanilla fun."

The newspaper adds its one of the "most exclusive clubs in town, difficult to get into and with a strict no photos policy (for obvious reasons) - as well as an anything goes approach to sex, drugs and everything else."

Though much of what goes on in Berghain is kept under wraps, Kyle "spilled the beans" in his now-deleted one-star Yelp review, where he takes issue with the long line and that he wasn't allowed to use his phone. He complains about the loud music that "you could feel in your chest."

It doesn't take long before Kyle realizes he's not just at a regular club. After watching his two new London friends make out, Kyle sees "3 or 4 naked guys dancing all crazy with erections." He then goes to grab a beer, wondering if he's "in the wrong part of the club" or is in "the gay section."

"Nope," Kyle wrote. "The whole club is the gay section!"

Kyle then recalls what happened when he tried to get a beer from the bar:

"On my way to grab a beer, I pass in disbelief, a bearded guy butt fucking the crap out of another bearded dude. You could smell feces and sweat. I take my eyes off of that situation and it only gets worse. There's another guy, and I kid you not...he's got his arm, almost to his elbow, up another guy's ass! I thought it was a magic trick or an illusion. It WASN'T!"

Kyle wrote he was about to leave the club but remembered his phone was with one of the guys from London. So he went back into Berghain to find him.

"Now there are naked guys everywhere! Sucking each other off," Kyle wrote. "Fisting each other. There was one dude that was riding another guy (cowgirl style) and yelling 'Balles Tief!'... I ask the dude next to me, 'What's he screamin'?!' and he informs me 'Balles Tief' is German for "Balls Deep."

As he's searching for the man with his phone, the club explodes with sirens and whistles, which meant it is time for "Slip and Slide," Kyle wrote.

"100s of guys, the ones who aren't already naked, drop their pants and start masturbating on the dance floor," Kyle wrote, according to the Metro. "Evidently, you are supposed to ejaculate on the floor and make it slippy and then naked guys go sliding through it!"

After seeing a guy masturbating in his direction, and coming across a guy who had a butt plug stuck inside him, Kyle decided he had to leave.

"That was my experience at the 'world's coolest night club," he wrote in the now deleted-review. "I can handle a lot of stuff, but this place was WAY over the top. I will not be back. Never."

While social media users reacted to the review, many finding it amusing, Vice reported on it, claiming the review is fake and homophobic.

Vice's Angus Harrison writes:

...[T]his isn't actually the panicked ramblings of a conservative America who accidentally ended up in Berghain. No, this is nothing more than a sub-par, Wunderground-ready, improv-comedy-class skit. That's obvious enough simply from the clunkiness of the set-up, and the Will Ferrell dialogue that runs throughout-most notably a bunch of German dudes shouting "Balles Tief!" "Balles Tief!"-y'know, German for balls deep.

Yet the total fakeness of the whole thing is obvious for a number of other reasons. I've been to Berghain, and I know plenty of people who have been, and while it is a dark, cavernous, mysterious place, it's nothing like the aircraft hangar full of jizz this hilarious review would have you believe it is. There are a ton of details in the review that are clearly untrue-it's unlikely Kyle W would have gone past Sven at the door, who normally only works two nights a week, if at all. Then there are the sex acts that are continuing inside. Kyle W explains how the "whole club was the gay section." He illustrates orgiastic scenes. Blatant and explicit sex acts being performed as soon as he walks into the club including "butt-fucking," tag-teaming, fisting and the aforementioned slip and slide. If you think that a trip to Berghain means a front row seat to that sort of action throughout the club, then you'll be sorely disappointed. That's not to say sex acts don't occur there-the club has its roots in the Snax sex parties of 20 years ago-but the idea that Berghain is nothing but dildos and butt plugs from the second you enter is a complete delusion.

Harrison adds:

This fake Yelp review is homophobic. Like, really homophobic! It turns gay sex into nothing but a shocking cartoon-a gratuitous punchline, the foil for the uptight yank telling the story. Yes, the joke is in theory on this Kyle W character, but seriously, descriptions of 100s of dudes ejaculating on the floor in order to slide through it, and forcing syringes on each other, presents the LGBT community as nothing but deviants. It's that simple. This hilarious 1 star Yelp review is basically little more than: lol, gay people huh?

Read the full Vice piece by clicking here.