These Are The (Funky) Trunks You're Looking For

If you've got it, flaunt it.

As an avid gay swimmer with the traditional aquiline body, I've found performance swimwear to always be a bit of a letdown. Sure, it hugs all the right places and firms up those leg muscles for heavy-rep sets. But a double-lined crotch and waistband that sits high on the hips isn't quite the visual I'm looking for. It's as if product managers deliberately suppressed the sex out of the sexiest sport.

I prefer to show a little more skin - 'cause, you know, I'm a gay swimmer and all. Plus, performance wear tends to loosen with age, sagging where it should be supporting. And then, there's the color palette: usually bland black, with some sort of uninspired racing stripe.

But then, a relative newcomer to the performance swimwear brand caught my gaze. I ordered a pair of jammers, slipped them on - and became an instant convert. Tight fitting, riding low on the hips, and patterned in the brightest, zaniest patterns imaginable, while still performing well in the water: Funky Trunks, you're my jam.

Of course, titillating the ladies of Lane #1 (lovable seniors all) isn't quite the same as strutting the gay beaches of Provincetown or the pool decks of Palm Springs; it would be plain odd to wear jammers.

Don't worry. Funky Trunks has us covered there, too.

Team Funky has a range of sexy underwear, plus swim briefs and square cuts, along with surf/beachwear that conforms to the same body-hugging style and nutty colors. The company shipped EDGE a range of styles to try out, and we gave them a whirl.

Underwear

We gave a few pairs of Funky Trunks underwear to the aficionados we know - and the results were huge thumbs up. Underwear of every size, shape and color is marketed to the gay community from literally dozens of major brands daily. Nowhere did our testers find material this smooth. An elastane (made from polyurethane - aka Lycra/Spandex) blended with cotton ensures stretch; it's also very breathable. We were hard pressed to find any defects in the elastane - low quality workmanship tends to result in fibers breaking free of the fabric surface, particularly when it's overstretched, and we found none of that here. Plus this underwear is not just soft - it's my-favorite-pillow soft. You'll delight in pulling them on, and you'll barely notice they're there all day. You'll also appreciate the cut. We tried trunks, which despite the double-lined pouch shows packages well and rests comfortably on the waist and legs without so much as a minor unsightly indentation. The brand also offers two brief models - one is titled "lift the gift," which gives you a not-so-subtle clue about the intention here. But then, Funky Trunks eschews boring colors with patterns such as "Pulmonary Party," "Hot Wash" and "Tokyo Smackdown," so the goal isn't to keep your pants on.

Swimwear

Funky Trunks' Classic Trunks and Briefs are anything but staid; these are form-fitting styles that leave little to guesswork. You can pump out laps with these as easily as cruising the deck, and you'll get noticed. Why? Simply put, Funky Trunks doesn't try to get cute with structure. This line uses premium materials and a standard silhouette - but it's cut for athletic bodies, so it rides low on the hips and hugs your midsection firmly without adding additional lines or color blocks outside of an attractive and functional pouch. This is thanks to an Italian polyester they call C-infinity; it's got both exceptional strength (so you can pull it on tightly and not worry about seam or fabric degradation) and superior chlorine resistance. In other words, you buy this thing, wear it like crazy in and out of the pool, and it will still look and fit the same as when you first pull it out of the package. Funky Trunks also offers a "Plain Front" trunk, which replaces the front pouch with a single piece of material: more practical, but perhaps less sexy. Where these suits draw the eye is in their colorful, fun designs. In other words, they don't try too hard to be noticed, but you can't help staring at them.

Beachwear

For those less inclined to show everything off, or perhaps simply looking for a more trendy cut, check out the Shorty Shorts. They're made largely of polyester, which performs better in water than your average nylon thanks to the fact that it's blended with 10% of elastane. That means when your legs get wet, the suit won't ride up or stick; it moves with you while staying loose enough for comfort. One of our testers said bluntly he'd never worn a more comfortable suit. They're available in similar wild, colorful patterns, but this is a more relaxed cut. It's also useful when you want something stylish and fun, but you're hanging out with the kids and don't want the other parents to give you the stink eye.

Fit

We learned a lesson in our sample tests: while the performance jammers are sized comparable to other brands (as always: one size larger than your actual waist is more than tight enough), the other swim products offer more traditional sizes (XS-XL) and tend to run slightly large. This might be due to the stretchy materials - particularly with swimwear; you want these suits to fit snugly to get the right look. So for swimwear and beachwear, you might err on the smaller size (I'm a medium in most swimwear, for example; but wear a small in the Classic Trunks). With the underwear, go with your "normal" XS-XL size as measured via the Funky Trunks website (or, just look at other entries in your underwear drawer).

Final Notes

Tooling around the Funky Trunks website - or liking their brand on Facebook/Instagram - will endear you to the brand for their quirky take on the world. To wit, every product you buy comes with a sticker boasting one of their witticisms (mine said, "Have Balls"). You'll also be reminded of their competitive swimming background; but then, filling your Instagram account with photos of swim hotties never hurt anyone.

On the web:
funkytrunks.com
Funky Trunks on Facebook