Sean Anders Turns His 'Instant Family' Experience into A Hollywood Comedy

Over the past few years, Sean Anders has made himself the go-to guy in Hollywood for raucous family comedies such as "Where the Millers" and the "Daddy's Home" franchise, but with his latest, "Instant Family," which is in theaters, things got personal.

That is because the writer/director had the idea to turn his and his wife's decision to become foster parents into a studio comedy. At first, he admitted in a recent conversation in Boston while promoting the film, it seemed like a long shot; but when his long-time collaborator Mark Wahlberg got on board, his script – which he co-wrote with John Morris – got green lit. From there Anders assembled a top-notch cast of comic talents, including Margo Martindale, Tig Notaro, Octavia Spencer, Julie Hagerty and Rose Byrne who plays Wahlberg's wife.

In the film Wahlberg and Byrne play Pete and Ellie, 40-somethings who decide to adopt. They work through an agency and bring home three Latino children: Lita, Juan and teenage Lizzie (Isabela Moner). Each brings their own set of issues, which the couple navigate with equal parts humor and pathos.

The film has already received a strong response from audiences at previews and thumb-ups from critics. " 'Instant Family' is a sweet-natured movie with exemplary intentions... The story line imparts information about the plight of kids in the foster system and positive messages about adopting," writes Glenn Kenny in reviewing the film in the New York Times.

"The movie has some conviction: It presents quite frankly the drama of kids acting out, and the subsequent resentment the adopting parents feel. And it takes a similarly head-on approach to the social concerns around adoption culture: for instance, the so-called 'white savior' scenario that Wahlberg's relative lunkhead Pete brings up via an 'Avatar' movie reference."

If the film's 100% rating with audiences on Rotten Tomatoes is any indication, it will be a hit for Anders, who spoke of how his personal experience was the film's genesis, why everyone loves Margo Martindale, and what he thought of Mark Wahlberg being his avatar.

Any Hesitations?

EDGE: Was there any hesitation in sharing your personal experiences?

Sean Anders: Not really because from the beginning the idea was that we were going to tell a fictional story that was inspired by my own story, but also inspired by the stories of a lot of the people we met along the way. And the desire to bring this out into the light a little bit more definitely overshadowed any fear. Because there are some things in the movie that are inspired by my own life that I am not super proud of, but feel okay about sharing those moments and being honest about those things.

EDGE: Initially, you felt you couldn't think of having a family because of economic considerations?

Sean Anders: For a long time I didn't make much money and I didn't feel we could afford to have kids because I was never knew for sure if I was going to be able to pay the rent, let along put clothes on other people. When you get into the movie business it feels like it all could fall apart any day now for a long time. So even when I first started going with it, I was never sure how any of it was going to be. But once I felt I was getting a foothold in the business, I thought we could start talking about having kids. By then I was 41 years old, and I made the joke to my wife that Pete (Wahlberg) makes in the movie that I don't want to be one of those old dads who is too old to throw the ball by the time the kid is a teenager. So I said, purely as a joke, why don't we just adopt a five-year-old so it would be like I got cracking five years ago? And my wife was like, okay. And I said, 'No, no. That was a joke.' I was totally kidding. but she thought about it some more and she found a website. We looked at the website and went to orientation just like it happened in the movie. My life is predicated on a joke.

Similar Experiences

EDGE: Are there scenes in the film that come directly from you and your wife's experiences?

Sean Anders: Yeah. There are definitely a lot of moments in the movie. There a scene where Mark and Rose are sitting in a bed talking about what a terrible mistake that they've made and (wondering if) there's a way back to the clean, happy life they had before. My wife and I had that conversation a number of times, and come to find out that is a pretty relatable scene for a lot of adopted parents and even those with biological kids. There is one, smaller cuter moments when Mark calls the kids to dinner, they come in and Mark kisses Rose and the kids go 'Eeeew.' That exact scene played out on the first night we had our kids. That was fun shooting that scene, because that was exactly the way it went. There are bunch of things throughout, but more than anything it is the emotions. Even the things that I didn't experience the way they're experienced in the movie, I experienced very similar emotions to the other parents that shared those stories.

EDGE: Margo Margindale is way over the top in this movie, based on your own mother. Is your mom as over the top in real life?

Sean Anders: She comes into the movie like a freight train and it made me so happy when we screened it for the first time with an audience and they were just roaring over Grandma Sandy. She was such a crowd pleaser.
And she is based on my mom, Granda Sally; but my mom is not as over the top as that. When Grandma Sandy comes in, the audiences have absolutely love her, and I think the reason why is that she does things right from the minute she walks in. She walks in and claims the kids immediately and says, 'If anyone messes with you, I've got your back forever.' And that kind of how my mom is. My mom had a kind of rough childhood herself, and she's always the first one to let kids know they're smart and they're good enough, and that kind of thing. Grandma Sandy is a little bit inspired by my mom.

A Learning Experience

EDGE: What did learn about yourself as a parent while you were making this movie?

Sean Anders: Too many things to list. One thing I learned is that no matter how much I learned, I still make the same, dumb mistakes. No matter how much I am aware of them, I still do them over and over again. So there is that. Also I learned something that surprised me in that in the process of making this movie: I spent a lot of time talking to people about my family and talking about how much I love my kids, and I think that was really good for me as a dad. And I recommended it to people that if you can just get together with other parents and talk -- have a little 'I love my kids' karaoke session and let them talk about why they love their kids so much -- it really reinforces those things that we kind of forget in all the madness and all the mess and all the craziness of how much we love our kids.

EDGE: What was it like for your kids to see themselves on the screen?

Sean Anders: It was such a gradual process because I had been talking about it so long, then talking about it in the script process. They came to the set because I like to take my kids to work. And they came to the editing bay where I showed them little bits and pieces, so by the time they saw the entire film it wasn't this big, overwhelming thing. They had been eased into it. What I was really excited about was that they really laughed a lot. They loved the stuff with the kids. And they enjoyed it like a movie apart from it being their life. Now they are sick of it. It just happened last night when they sat through the movie again, and it was like, 'Again with the movie.'

Working with Mark Wahlberg

EDGE: In the film, you age your oldest daughter (who I believe is 9) into a teenager. Where did that change come from?

Sean Anders: My kids are younger. What happened was we went to an adoption fair just like in the movie, and the teenagers were off by themselves and we had no intention of going anywhere near them. That was too scary for us. But we wound up meeting this teenage girl and she seemed really cool and interesting. She had two younger siblings. We got matched with them, and they were going to be our kids. We went home and spent a couple of weeks thinking about it and got excited about it, then we got a call from the social worker and she said the teen girl had been in care for four years and was understandably very connected to her birth mother and was holding out hope that her birth mom was coming back for her. The social worker didn't think that was very likely, but the girl had turned down the placement for her and her siblings because she wanted to remain available for her mom. So it didn't happen, but that is where the Lizzie character was born -- she was inspired by that girl.... That was the end of it. Then our social worker said, very matter of factly, there are these other three kids and now those three kids are running around Boston right now.

EDGE: You've worked with Mark Wahlberg on two other films, but in this one he is pretty much playing a character loosely based on you. What was that like?

Sean Anders: I get that question a lot. The truth is that he really isn't playing me. There is definitely elements of my wife and I in Mark and Rose in the movie, and they do an incredible job playing adopted parents, but I don't really feel they were playing us. The crossover is that I wanted Mark's character to be excitable. I get keyed up by things I am really into, but I also get very nervous and freaked out by things, so I wanted that to be in the character. And Mark is so funny when he's doing that. But I don't get up at 3:30 in the morning to work out.

Specific Actors?

EDGE: Do you create characters with specific actors in mind?

Sean Anders: The only person in the person that we were writing of someone in mind was Mark. And it wasn't super specific to Mark, because I wasn't sure if he would be interested in it or not, but he was always kind of in my head a little bit for Pete. Then as other people came on board and you know who it is, you get somebody with such a specific voice, like Julie Hagerty, that it is so much fun, you go Jan was always this sweet, mousy Mom, but now that it is Julie Hagerty it becomes ten times more fun to go back and rewrite her dialogue. Or Tig Notaro. It was really fun to go back and write her part in a more Tig tone. We do it once people jump in.

EDGE: Was the film always a big studio release, because it is the kind of project usually seen in independent films?

Sean Anders: My hope from the beginning was exactly this, but I didn't know it was possible. I have felt there have been so many great movies made on the subject of foster care, but they are usually are either small, indie movies that few people see, or they are big, gut-wrenching dramas that add to the stigma of fear and negativity that people feel towards kids in the system and the system in general. So my goal was could be make a big multiplex comedy that is fun to go see at the theater, and you really have a good time watching the movie. It a feel good movie, and people walk away from it having a more positive outlook on who these kids are and who these families are. That was the idea, but of course from the beginning when you go, hey I want to make a comedy about foster care adoption, people are like, 'Great, great idea. Thanks for stopping by.' But I think the combination of the finished script that people were responding to and Mark Wahlberg getting involved, there was the possibility for it to become a great big movie. Sitting here staring at that poster, I still can't believe we pulled it off and we have gotten it out at this level.

Casting Rose Byrne

EDGE: The film doesn't shy away from more serious issues involving adoption. Was it difficult to balance comedy with social commentary?

Sean Anders: In this movie there is something I have been talking about a lot. I am a big John Hughes fan. I grew up watching his movies and loving those movies. And I got this rare opportunity early on in my career of spending a few hours on the phone talking to John Hughes. We were talking about a particular project, but then I got to talk to him about his work in general, and the thing that stuck with me the most was that it wasn't the size of laugh that counts, it is how it makes you feel. If you engage people emotionally, and get them to feel something emotionally and turn that into a laugh, it gives you the best feeling that you can have... My writing partner John Morris and I have really tried to be inspired by that throughout our career, but this movie lent itself in a big way to that, because throughout the movie we are trying not to shy away from the tragedy and the trauma of kids coming out of the foster care system, but the reality is that any family you meet that goes through it says there is a lot of laughter -- that you have to laugh. That you have find the sense of humor in some of these dark things. So this movie created a great opportunity to get into some really dramatic areas then always try to twist it and give you that laugh.

EDGE: Rose Byrne is quite good in the movie. How did you come to cast her?

Sean Anders: Mark jumped in right away, which was really exciting for us. Mark had met a lot of kids in care over his travels, so when I suggested the idea to Mark, he jumped in right away and was really excited to do it. So once we got Mark, we had to figure out who Pam was. We needed somebody who could handle the drama, but also someone who is crazy funny. When we started talking about Rose, Mark had never worked with her and we all really thought she was great. When we contacted her about it, the thing that I loved was that she didn't know any of us, but asked all the right questions. She was very deliberate, wanting to know about my story and why did I want to make this movie and how are we going to go about it and all of that. Then she jumped in, and the first thing that she did was sit down with my wife and with a bunch of other adopted moms. She did her homework. And she is crazy funny in the movie. She has such range. Because when she's funny she always feels so authentic, there is a moment in the film when a woman slaps her face and the way that she plays that moment is so authentic. Because if someone just decked you in the middle of the conversation, I don't think you would get up and start swinging. She is so hysterical.

"Instant Family" is in theaters.