Charlie's Angels

Is there a right way to do "Charlie's Angels?" At this point, I'm not really sure.

The original 1970s television series ran for five seasons and was a ratings hit for its first two seasons. (It fell from the top 10 in its third year and continued to plummet from there.) The series, while focusing on a trio of female private investigators, was far more exploitative than it was empowering (often categorized as part of the "Jiggle TV" trend). It was a show that was known more for the beauty of its leads than the content of its stories.

Since its start, the franchise has yielded two movies in the 2000s (both fun and kind of terrible), and a 2011 television reboot that was largely dead on arrival (it didn't even air all eight of its produced episodes). Even knowing all of that, I went into this new "Charlie's Angels" hopeful for something good. I was a fool.

The Townsend Agency has done some growing since we last saw it. The organization, led by the ever mysterious "Charlie," is now global. The world is covered in Angels, with a cadre of Bosleys there to keep them safe. Elena is a young systems engineer working on technology that could change the world. But when her company is unconcerned with a flaw in the tech that could lead to weaponization, she turns to the Townsend Agency and its troupe of Angels for help.

If we are to divorce "Charlie's Angels" from all of the iterations that came before it, it is at its most successful as a fun-loving and winking action franchise. While the 2000s-era films were far from cinematic greats, their physics-defying stunts and action set pieces made them something that audiences flocked to. And therein lies the problem with the latest iteration: It's not any fun.

At the same time, the film is plenty frustrating. The cast list, including Kristen Stewart, Elizabeth Banks, Patrick Stewart, and Djimon Hounsou, is impressive, but they almost all go to waste. That is, except for Kristen Stewart, who is trying her damnedest to make this something worth watching. Stewart is a delight onscreen; afforded the opportunity to flex her comedic side, she is all charm, one-liners, and flirty badassery. Anytime that the film succeeds, it is because of Stewart.
But even her talents aren't enough to save this mess of a movie. The other Angel, Ella Balinska, is a charisma black hole, and Naomi Scott is largely there to deliver exposition and act surprised. As a comedic actress, Elizabeth Banks is fantastic, but based on this movie and her directorial debut, "Pitch Perfect 2," she is ill-suited to the role of director.

The Blu-ray release of "Charlie's Angels" is generic and lackluster. It includes five deleted scenes (which amount to five minutes of content), a laugh-free gag reel, and four behind-the-scenes featurettes (of minimal length). It also includes the music video for Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus, and Lana Del Rey's "Don't Call Me Angel," which doesn't even succeed at being an earworm (or really making any sense in the context of the movie, where the heroines are literally called "angels"). Do yourself a favor and just pretend the song never existed.

"Charlie's Angels" is a disappointment that we should have all seen coming. It's a movie that doesn't even succeed as a piece of stupid popcorn entertainment.

"Charlie's Angels"
4K Ultra HD + Blu-ray + Digital HD
$24.95
https://www.sonypictures.com/movies/charliesangels2019