College Basketball Coach Chooses to Live Authentically, Not 'Die with the Lie'

Whether claims that everything will have changed once the COVID-19 pandemic has run its course might or might not pan out. But for some individuals - shaken up by economic uncertainly, job insecurity, or even the specter of mortality - that grandiose claim might not be overblown after all.

Such seems to be the case for college basketball coach Matthew T. Lynch, who penned an essay, publishing in OutSports, in which he came out as gay rather than "die with the lie" he'd been living with until now.

In his moving essay, Lynch wrote:

I'm gay.

Those are two words that 10 years ago I wasn't sure I was ever going to admit, let alone say out loud. I always thought I would "die with the lie." That is how I approached so much of my life, to keep it a secret, to never let anyone know that side of me, to hide and bury all those feelings.

It's no secret that homophobia is rampant in the sports world, and active members of professional sports have been reluctant to risk livelihood, status, endorsements, and life as they have come to know it for the privilege of living authentically. Many times, sports pros who do come out wait until after retirement to do so.

But as more and more active LGBTQ athletes - and coaches - come out of the closet, that might start to change.

Lynch's brave admission was spurred, in part, by the way the crisis has upended jobs and careers nationwide. Wrote Lynch:

It's been a little over two weeks since our staff was officially let go at the University of North Carolina Wilmington. And with the added difficulties of the COVID-19 pandemic, I have begun to realize that I may not have a job in college basketball next year.

Lynch described his career ambitions and how he became interested in coaching thanks to a teacher and coach who made classwork "fun."

I wanted to find ways to impact other people's lives the way that my coach impacted me. After all, I have come to understand what the definition of "coach" really means: to move a person or object from one point to another – move your players forward and make them better.

Lynch "threw himself into [his] work" in pursuit of his career goals, avoiding disclosure of his personal life - and not having much of a personal life to talk about.

But the lie was keeping Lynch imprisoned - and all the while, the truth was yearning to be free. Wrote Lynch:

I don't know why I assumed being gay was wrong, but I tried to just be "normal" (that is, straight). But I didn't realize the effect that would have on my long-term health. Being gay weighed on my mind, day and night, more and more.

After struggling with periods of depression, Lynch started to confide in people he trusted. That circle of trust gradually widened to a fellow coach, and then to players he was coaching.

Though not knowing what his professional future has in store, Lynch has his eye on the future in a broader sense - the future in which today's LGBTQ youth will have to live. He's doing his part to see that it's a welcoming future for them.

Wrote Lynch:

Growing up I would look for role models in the coaching profession. They weren't there, at least publicly. It's important that I try and share my story and do my part to help normalize being gay. The goal isn't to come out of the closet, it's to eliminate the closet.

Lynch summarized with these powerful words:

...I wanted to try and find a way to use a negative time for something positive. I don't know if I will be able to get another college basketball job as an openly gay coach, but I refuse to take any job where I am not my authentic self. I refuse to die with the lie.