Gender Identity and Trauma Response

We are living in a post-identity epoch, and the labels and identities of the past have all been problematized. Words like "man," "lesbian" and "gay" no longer explain the complexity of gender or sex, and neologisms abound to communicate how people now want to be referenced or seen.

Identity politics and its intersections with gender and sexuality are an important political and psychological issue. As a sex therapist and social justice advocate, I'm attuned to the ways in which clients' struggles with identity align with the work of healthy sexuality. Early socialization for sexual minorities often requires association with identity labels, so as to build community and the related confidence from having worth and social value reflected back.

This is because our traditional heteronormative, sex-phobic culture often only shuns and shames sexual and gender differences. If that's not bad enough, psychology also pathologizes diversity, seeking to align individuals with a social "norm." And that norm is far from healthy.

Not everyone's gender falls in line with the anatomy with which they were born, with the binary of male or female, or even the spectrum in between. Some identify as neither, none, other, all or "ask me each morning." Traditional psychology and identity politics require people to choose an identity. One mono, solid, enduring and concrete "Self," But guess what? This is neither reality nor healthy. We are each many different people at the same time, with a relational self that changes, based on context, environment and arousal.

Gender and sexual orientation can be traumatic, as the few labels we allow, socially limit and do not provide the freedom or understanding we claim they do. The social politics of being "gay" or "male" and "lesbian" or "female" can be oppressive, as not all the attending social norms or expectations are healthy or desired. In fact, much health lies outside identity.

I don't subscribe to the concepts of a standard or universal "male/female" psychology or a "gay" or "hetero" identity. We learn both how to be hetero and how to be gay in terms of identity and social behavior. This is why "hetero" and "homo" normativity exists, those destructive forces that allow for problematic social norms and value systems that all identities carry within. This is one of the forms of oppression that identity creates.

Each subculture has unofficial spokespeople and missionaries for the "status quo" and are the gay or male "ideal." With the perpetuation of these norms, all those that exist outside these "ideals" are marginalized and oppressed. Remember, each time you "double tap" while on Instagram on that pic of the hot shirtless guy, you are reinforcing the gay body ideal, the same one that you value and avoid carbs to achieve, yet feel bad you never live up to.

Sex and gender are not "either/or," they are both and neither... and often change. They are not fixed, they are emergent. Are we "born this way?" Some are and some are not. Gender and sexuality are the synthesis and constellation of many different complex sources. And, the most important point is that it doesn't matter!

The world is Queer - as in non-normative - our work is about embracing this.

Dr. Chris Donaghue is a Doctor of Clinical Sexology and Human Sexuality, Doctoral trained in Clinical Psychology, a Licensed Clinical Therapist and a Certified Sex Therapist. He specializes in individual and couples sex and marital therapy, as well as sexual compulsivity, sexual anorexia, sexual dysfunctions and non-traditional sexuality, identities and relationships. He also runs healthy sexuality therapy groups.

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